Today is my 50th birthday. No! No. Don’t clap. Don’t send me happiness wishes. Don’t click gleeful emojis on my social feeds. Just. Don’t. I have no desire to celebrate this loathsome birthday milestone. Nor shall I feign joy in reaching it. I do not like it, Moe I Go. I do not like the […]
My Life Is A Song #48
As I suspect is the case with most naïve, white, Canadian kids who grew up in the Seventies/Eighties, the first (and quite possibly last) rap/hip hop song I ever liked was “Walk This Way” by Run-DMC. For many of us, certainly the younger ones, it was also our first introduction to Aerosmith. Not only did […]
I Am A Homemaker (An Ode With Semicolons and Parentheses)
ICH BIN FRAU YAMUS! It took a full five years and two months, but I’ve finally done it. I’ve quit. I’ve capitulated. I’ve given up all pretense and self-delusion and accepted what I am. In fact, I’ve not only accepted it but I’ve fully embraced it. I’ve embraced it with the zeal of a newborn […]
My Wife’s Fortieth Birthday and Why I Won’t Forget It
Guilt Trips are the Key to a Lasting Marriage And now fine readers we begin the coup-de-grace of this rambling opus. To the virtuous, I ask your forgiveness in advance, for what you are about to read is both shocking and lewd. This type of subject matter I typically refrain from sharing in my letters […]
An Innocent Beginning
This was edited in April 2014 from its original that was first published as part of my March 2002 letter. So, yes, I am now thirty years old. And true to form, I managed to get sick for this momentous birthday! Thirty frickin’ years for me to be sick, and I do it for my […]